Birth Stories: William

Welcome William!

I went to bed with a low backache and the hope that we'd meet our baby soon.. I woke to a contraction that radiated down my arms and legs. I waited. Another came. I silently lay there until I felt there was a pattern consistent enough to warrant timing. After I got my phone and lay back down I found that they were random ­ 3 minutes, 12 minutes, 10 minutes, 6 minutes apart. After 2 hours I realized that if it was really going to happen soon then I should try to rest while I could. So then I slept and when I woke in the morning they were small and gentle and sporadic.

I called my midwife just to let her know that things were happening and she said to just go about the day, maybe consider a walk, keep her posted. So we walked up and down the hill near our house a few times and came home for a rest. Around lunch they picked up again, though not strong enough to radiate anywhere, and almost immediately were 10 minutes apart. My mom came over with groceries and an overnight bag and started playing with Thomas ­ digging in the dirt, his favorite (almost only) activity right now. It was an amazingly beautiful day and the contractions were easy enough that my mood was light so we walked around the backyard and chatted for hours. For a while they got as close as 5 minutes apart, but then they spaced out again. I was curious why things weren't progressing faster, but not concerned. These were nothing ­ truly mild and I was fine with where we were and was actually having a really nice day. I knew it would happen soon enough.

Around 7 pm they drastically increased in intensity but then 2 hours later went way back down. I knew that I would be woken up with real labor and so we went to bed. I was beyond thrilled that we were so close as I didn't think I could feel more ready. My mom went to sleep in the spare bedroom with the hope of being woken up. She got her wish around 2 am. By that point I had been dealing with the contractions on my own in bed for about 2 hours but was feeling the need for a position change and maybe a little help. I wasn't sure what we were going to do about Thomas but he solved that dilemma by waking up and wanting me to cuddle. I obviously was extremely uncomfortable at this point and couldn't just lay there and cuddle with him.. So I went to him and Brad and my mom came over to his bed as well and he opened his eyes and said "what you all are doing?" We laughed and said the baby is coming and my mom asked if he wanted to go make tea with her and he said yes and that was that! This child who screams for hours if woken too early happily woke up at 2 am and stayed awake all night playing on this very important night so thankfully my mind wasn't occupied with concern for him.

Laurie arrived shortly after this, saw I was doing fine and went about her business. My sister arrived as well. I was fine with whoever wanted to be in the room at this point and I remember looking over and seeing Thomas lounging in the doorway eating a banana and watching the show. My recollection of the sensation of the contractions at this point is very fuzzy. It's as if the intensity at the end has taken over my memory of the entire labor. What I do remember is being surprised at how difficult it was for me to relax through them. It seemed a lot harder not to fight them than it ever did during my first labor. I also was surprised that I wanted Brad to rub my lower back ­ HARD ­ during each contraction. It was just enough of a distraction to make me forget the mild panic I felt at the beginning of each one.

After a couple hours of this Laurie asked if I wanted to be checked. Although it was nerve wracking to contemplate being 3 cm, I told her I did want to know and we found that I was 5. This was the first pang of disappointment I remember feeling. I wasn't devastated but I did think I was further than that. Remembering my last labor and my jump from 6cm to pushing in 10 minutes cheered me a bit, but for some reason I couldn't explain, I just knew that wasn't going to happen this time. This labor was different in every way and I knew I still had some hard work to do.

Around this time they started getting a lot stronger and suddenly I wanted everyone to leave the room and just leave Brad and I to work together. This is when they became what I remember now. There was no more talking. Suddenly I was out of my thinking mind and in my body. These were powerful. As one would start I would grunt or say "ONE!" or hit Brad and he was to rub as hard as he could on my tail bone until my breathing slowed or I opened my eyes. The few times I dealt with contractions without him (going to the bathroom or changing positions) I felt this terrifying looseness. It was as if his rubbing grounded my body to where I was so that I could float away with the contraction. Without that I felt that I just couldn't find a solid place to launch myself from and if you don't start a contraction out right then it's panic at the pain.

Probably 2 more hours of this and I wanted Laurie to check me again. I was losing patience with this and ready (emotionally, not physically) to push. I had been dealing with contractions all weekend and I was about done. 7-8 she said. I was not happy. This is progress she said. I want to push I replied. This is hard and I want to be done. I know, she said. I closed my eyes and got back to work.

When she leaves the room I tell Brad I don't think I can do this much longer. You can do this. You've done it before, he tells me. But this is different. I am so tired at this point that I'm falling asleep sitting up between each contraction. And the contractions. My god. Pain is such an insufficient word for the sensation of a contraction. "Pain" does not even begin to describe what your body is doing. It's all consuming. If you try to fight it (which is almost impossible not to do) you will lose and panic. You cannot escape this feeling and trying to only increases it. Surrender is the only option. You must keep constant vigil over every muscle in your body to convince it to relax and let this "pain" in. It's almost like my body was pulsing with electric energy that had nowhere to go. I was shaking with the intensity of the feeling and the struggle to relax. But somehow, from somewhere that I'll probably never use again, I found the ability. I would feel one coming and I would close my eyes, lean forward on my pillows and breathe. And breathe and shake and wait. I was a rag doll on the ocean, tossing my head back and forth. Then I was a bowie in that same ocean, rocking back and forth. I found a shelf in my brain and I just turned my head to look at it and I put the "pain" on the shelf. I repeated (in my head) it's just pain, it won't kill me. And when they were too strong for me to anchor anywhere I had to let go. In my head I told this feeling: "fuck it ­ just take over my body - I can't stop you anyway - I give up". And what followed were the easiest contractions yet. Because convincing myself to relax and release is not the same as actually doing it I found. But still, I was done. I told Brad to RUN and find Laurie so that he could be back before another one started. What can I do, I asked her. She smiled at me. She said this is all normal. She asked me if I was ready to me a mama of 2. I think so, I said. So we sat with that for a bit and then I asked if she had any oxygen. This never would have occurred to me if Laurie hadn't told me several weeks ago that she thinks I have a disease called Thalassemia. In my research of this I became pretty convinced that I did and learned that my body (if I have it) doesn't process the hemoglobin in my body properly so my organs essentially never have the amount of oxygen that they should. I had suddenly realized that I didn't feel like I was getting a full breath, and thought maybe oxygen would help. So she pulled it out and I breathed in pure energy.

With the next contraction I felt my body start to push and we all sat up a little straighter in surprise. I smiled as I groaned through the next one, so amazingly relieved to be finally pushing. I was almost done!! Some internal sensation told me that this baby was coming quickly and I almost laughed in relief. I was hanging on my sister's neck and I remember noticing how her hair smelled. Then I needed someone to lift me higher when I pushed so I hung on Brad's neck for a bit, but I wasn't comfortable. A few more contractions and I suddenly needed to be on hands and knees, so I flipped over. It was scary to feel him coming out b/c he felt so huge, but I remembered that from last time and I knew it would be ok and that I needed to keep pushing.

And then. Then what had been a totally normal situation suddenly got interesting when Laurie realized that this baby wasn't crowning, he was rumping. That wasn't a nose at all, but testicles she was seeing. So, "Sorcha, your baby's coming out breech" somehow penetrates my brain and I am in shock. HOW? How can he be breech?? I knew when he was breech at 33 weeks and I knew when he turned back and I know that I hadn't felt that same sensation again. When did he turn? Maybe a day or two ago? Because babies don't move as much right before birth sometimes...could that be it? Doesn't matter because he IS breech and he's coming RIGHT NOW. I only allow myself a minor freak out and then I ask Laurie what I need to do. Just put your leg right here. Well, that's easy enough. (I learn later that hands and knees is probably the best position for breech births and I had already done that). And then suddenly his body is coming out. And I wait for the next contraction but it doesn't come. Where is it? What's happening? And I keep waiting and then I start panicking a bit. I ask Laurie why I'm not having a contraction. She tells Brad to do nipple stimulation and she grabs my hand and puts it on my baby's body and says "This is your baby!" and I start crying and laughing and like a dam breaking I feel a huge wave come over me as she says "PUSH!" and then he's out and I fall onto the bed and reach for him. He's limp as a rag doll but breathing and not blue. He's not crying but I know Laurie would take him from me if he was in danger. She rubs him a bit and he starts to whimper and then cry a little and Brad falls onto the bed crying - in relief, I learn later, because he thought he wasn't going to make it. We both cry together for a while, reeling from the sudden change in this birth. I look at him and think I have never been so happy to see someone in my whole life.

Afterwards, when I learned that Brad thought our baby was dying when his head was still inside of me I suddenly wanted to know what the true risk really had been. Almost everyone we tell this story to is going to open their eyes wide in horror when they hear the word breech and I wanted to know if that's warranted. I didn't think it was but I wasn't really sure.

Not surprisingly (to me anyway), as with almost every standard birth procedure, it appears that it's not nearly as risky as it's made out to be. The problem with breech babies is the babies are more likely to have problems (and that's why they didn't turn), not that they come out upside down. Or that what gets labeled as simply a breech birth is really a premature birth and most babies at an earlier stage in pregnancy are breech.. So, premature babies have more problems than full term babies, but since it's labeled a breech birth, those problems get tacked onto the type of birth as well. And probably the biggest factor is practitioners. The more you mess with a breech baby the worse the outcome is going to be, so if you do a study filled with practitioners manipulating breech babies, you're not going to see great outcomes.

Apparently due to one study in 2000 the standard of care was changed almost overnight to scheduled cesareans for breech. This study has been widely criticized but changing back to something never seems to happen as quickly. In a healthy, full-term pregnancy with a skilled practitioner, breech birth is safe. In fact, if I had known that the baby was breech, I still would have had him at home. I have the utmost faith in my midwife and consider my chances for a healthy birth better with her than anywhere else.

So my mind is at ease with our choices and I'm even more glad to have been at home when it was discovered that he was breech. I feel immensely fortunate to have two wonderful birth memories and two healthy boys.

Laurie's Note

Some may wonder why after doing two exams didn't we know the baby was breech. This is a good question and there are a few reasons. The first one being, Sorcha didn't really want the exam to last very long, she wanted a quick check so that she could get back to laboring. I completely respect that. Also, there was a big bag of water in front of the baby's head and I wanted to be very careful not to break it, so I didn't feel very deeply during the exam.

Sorcha and her baby were never in trouble, ever. She was laboring beautifully and the baby was coping very well with the labor. When a breech baby is born gently, without much manipulation, and when the body is allowed to come out on its own, rarely does the baby get injured during the birth. The breech baby may take a few more seconds to recover from the birth than a vertex (head down) baby, but this is normal. William began breathing immediately and simply needed some extra rest on his mama before he began moving around and nursing.

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